The breakdown of a marriage

I am fortunate because my wife stuck by me when I became ill. This is remarkable because she had to endure a lot of anxiety each time I went to hospital. Perhaps the worst time was when my son had to go to hospital too because his asthma flared up when I was hospitalised. Yet she was always there for both of us.

But what might have happened if this wasn’t the case? Can illness cause the breakdown of a marriage? If so, what type of illness?

To find some answers, I did a bit of research. I typed “causes of separation” in to Google.  The first item listed on results page was from eHow.com, the ultimate authority on all matters of importance. I discovered only five issues trigger breakup:

1. Money.
2. Infidelity.
3. Communication.
4. Addictions.
5. Sex.

This means only one type of illness is a major cause of separation and that is addiction. So if an ill dad is addicted – to alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex or whatever – then there is a good chance his marriage might breakdown. And one obvious way separation can occur is when he enters a residential rehabilitation program.

While I can only imagine the difficulty of such a situation, separation from the children of the relationship must compound the problem. To suddenly not be able to tell a bedtime story or kick a football together must be incredibly hard. Whether or not the marriage survives, the father child relationship will change forever.

Why ill dads become homeless

For 20102 Homeless Persons Week in Australia runs from 6 August to 12 August. To mark the occasion, Homelessness Australia put emphasis on the different causes of homelessness in Australia. Illness got a mention. In particular, mental problems are more common among the homeless population. However, mental illness tends not to result in homelessness if a patient has a good network of support, such as caring family and friends or adherence to a religion. It is also less common among higher income earners.

From this I deduced poor health isn’t the reason why fathers who are coping with illness become homeless. Rather other factors impact on the life of these ill dads. Unemployment remains a major cause of homelessness.

I know this because I received no income between July and December 2010 because I wasn’t well enough to work. My wife did work during this period, but her income was too much for me to get financial support from the government, and too little to pay our mortgage and utility bills. To make ends meet I had to arrange for the bank to freeze our home loan repayments and I got assistance on two occasions from The Salvation Army while I waited for a salary continuance insurance claim to be approved.

The lesson to be learned here is:

1. Make sure your social bonds are good – After all, if I didn’t have a good wife as well as knowledge of the welfare system, then homelessness was a very real possibility.